Ghosting: Everything You Need to Know
What is Ghosting?
Ghosting happens when a person all of a sudden puts an abrupt end to communication with someone without a word or explanation. This phenomenon often occurs in romantic relationships, friendships, and the workplace. Though this has become a common trend nowadays, the concept of ghosting has been recurring in different walks of life. In fact, according to 2018 research, regardless of age, gender, and social setting, around 22 to 25 percent of men and women have been ghosted by their romantic partners, work colleagues, and others. And now, sadly, technology has made it easier to make ghosting happen among people.
Why was I ghosted?
The reason why people get ghosted is not with the ghostee. The ghoster is the one with issues. The choice of ghosting revolves around the refusal to go through confrontations, to own responsibility, and the lack of courage to engage in emotional conversations with the other. As a result, the ghoster finds it more convenient to disappear.
Why do I feel so bad about being ghosted?
Ghosting leaves the ghostee confused, worried, hurt, betrayed, and insecure. Many questions come to mind because of the uncertainties of whether the relationship is over or if something terrible might have happened to the ghoster.
This gives no sense of closure to people. Hence, it is indeed emotionally troubling. The ghostee may blame themself because they have no idea what they have done wrong to be left this way.
Should I contact the person who ghosted me?
Regarding dating, ghosting may happen after the first, second, or third date. If this happens, it would be best to not call the person anymore. You are better off without them. Save yourself the trouble of expecting from this person. Treat this as a revelation of how they really are. So should you have a long-term relationship with them? If you, on the other hand, have been in a relationship for extended periods, it is ample to contact the person and ask for honesty.
Does a ghost sometimes reappear?
Yes, that is possible. However, they decided to reappear via text message, friends, or online likes and nudges. Even though apologetic letters and voice messages, it is better to give them that chance to explain themself. This will at least give you that sense of closure and peace, and plan out together your way forward—may it be to pick what you have left or just part ways. Either way, recognize the courage the ghoster took to reconnect and face the situation with your consideration. But be discerning of their intentions, and use your best judgment for your own good.
How do I heal from being ghosted?
Do not allow this situation to lower your self-worth. It is natural to be hurt but not to the point of really going out of your way or exhausting all your means to convince the ghoster to reconnect with you. Rather than devoting time and effort to this ghoster, use it for self-care. Continue eating right, get enough sleep, stay physically active, spend time with family and friends, and most especially with God—they are the ones who genuinely love and care for you. Seeking professional help, like therapists, teachers, counselors, etc., can be helpful.
Is ghosting sometimes appropriate?
Ghosted can be warranted if you do not feel safe around this person, or after you have broken up with the person and they still persist in obsessive ways, or if they are in any way exhibiting dark traits and deceit; then it is time to weigh your decision to break ties. Ghosting may also be necessary if the person has been invading your privacy, violating boundaries, or seeking information from others.
Why is it easy for others to ghost people?
There are many reasons for people to choose to disappear without a word. For instance, when the person has lost interest in the other after some time, when there is a conflict between friends, or when a person feels mistreated and not adequately compensated. Avoiding confrontations or drama is the common reason people resort to ghosting.
Do ghosters think that disappearing is a kinder end to a relationship?
People do have different reasons to ghost others. Ghosts may rationalize their disappearance, but this is not a kind thing to do instead; it is an easier way to end things. Easier because they do not want to go through the turmoil and drama of breaking up; however, this does not mean it is a “kinder approach”.
Why do people think ghosting is acceptable?
Movies about finding destiny or soulmates have the element of the protagonist leaving the person to “follow their heart” to pursue the romance that was “meant to be.” Some people choose to relate to that and make this the ideal relationship they want to have.
Does technology encourage ghosting?
There are technology apps that give the user the option to discard or ghost people, like dating apps, blocking features, and filtering viewers. For online workers, terminating the means of communication makes ghosting their employers easier.
Do ghosters suffer from cognitive dissonance?
Some people who ghost may feel conflicted about this act. Especially for those who have not done ghosting before because they know this is not how they really are. The discomforting mental battle inside themselves can be considered a cognitive dissonance. They convince themselves that what they have done is necessary to overcome such. But others have intentionally ghosted others for trickery and had to also convince themselves to overcome their guilt.
What is orbiting and breadcrumbing?
Orbiting and breadcrumbing are two ways of keeping the person in the circle but not to the extent of pursuing or continuing a closer or committal relationship. Orbiting happens when the “ghoster” still includes the person in their contact list or social circle. The ghoster still wants to be updated on the latest about the person, like checking their social media profile and posts. Breadcrumbing, on the other hand, is when the person sends flirtatious, non-commital signals to another to lead them on.
Favoritism Among Children
As much as they would not want to, most parents end up favoring one of their children over others. Favoritism can occur in various ways, from devoting more time to one child, more affection, more privilege on this child, being stricter here than the other, etc. Some favoritism is called for, like the arrival of a newborn or attending to an ill sibling or special needs. And then there is the other favoritism, the unfair kind like in some cultures, favor is given to boys. Favoritism can cause rivalry or even resentment among siblings. Children inevitably will know and will be made aware of this. As a result, a child who feels unfavored will direct this angst, not to the parents but to the sibling.
Do parents favor girls over boys?
Girls tend to be more affectionate, compliant, and less aggressive than boys. Naturally, parents delight in well-behaved children because they “make life easier” for them. While for boys who are mobile and active in nature, parents would, of course, direct discipline and reprimand them, especially when they are becoming unruly. This is why girls are seen to be favored over boys. However, this is not so for male-dominated cultures.
Does stress have an impact on how parents favor and treat children?
Parents have a lot of things on their plates, which increases their stress levels. Stress sometimes prevents the parents from being in check of their treatment with their children and may even sacrifice their time and attention. Hence, when they favor those who are not too handful to manage. Also, because of marital and financial problems, parents tend to favor children who will become productive and thrive in the future.
What happens when a parent plays favorites?
When parents play favorites, children will get affected by it. Children who are less favored may grow to be depressed, insecure, least confident, aggressive, and demotivated. Often it would reflect on their school performance. While the favored children are not off the hook either, they will, either way, suffer the outcome of unequal treatment. The siblings’ relationship is challenged as the resentment grows over time if not addressed.
What is caspering?
Casper is a friendly and straightforward way of telling the other party that they are not compatible or they should not see each other anymore. It is downplaying the emotion that may occur in the breaking up process. An example is, “You are a great person and fun to be with, but I don’t think we’re going to work out. It’s been nice knowing you, though.”. Then poof! Gone.