1. “Just watched my 3-year-old attempt to eat a spaghetti noodle with a fork. It’s like watching a tiny, wobbly contortionist.” #parenting #diningout

2. “My kid just requested a ‘pink sparkly unicorn milkshake’ at the restaurant. I’m pretty sure that’s just a normal milkshake with glitter and some food coloring.” #kidsareweird #diningout

3. “The sound of my kids’ laughter is music to my ears… except when it’s at 7 AM in a fancy restaurant.” #morningpeople #diningout

4. “Pro tip: Bring a travel-sized bottle of wine to restaurants with kids. You’ll need it.” #wine #survival

5. “My son just declared that he wants to be a ‘chef’ when he grows up. He’s currently drawing a ‘picture’ of his restaurant on the tablecloth with ketchup.” #futurechef #diningout

6. “My daughter’s idea of ‘helping’ clean up after dinner is to throw her food on the floor and yell, ‘Look, Mommy, I’m making a pizza!'” #help #diningout

7. “The only thing more chaotic than a toddler in a restaurant is a toddler in a restaurant with a sugar rush.” #chaostheory #diningout

8. “I’m pretty sure my kids have a secret handshake they do when they want to cause chaos at a restaurant.” #codewords #diningout

9. “My kid just asked me if the ‘chicken nuggets’ are ‘chicken nuggets’ or ‘dinosaur nuggets’ because, apparently, there’s a difference.” #nuggetdebate #diningout

10. “Just finished a 30-minute negotiation with my 4-year-old about eating his vegetables. He eventually agreed to eat one… with ketchup.” #vegetables #compromise

11. “My kids have perfected the art of making me feel like a complete failure in public. They’re basically professional shame-induces.” #parentingfail #diningout

12. “Just saw a kid throw a tantrum over a missing ketchup packet. I’m pretty sure that’s how revolutions start.” #ketchupcrisis #diningout

13. “The highlight of my night? Watching my 2-year-old successfully use a straw without spilling it. I’m officially a parenting superhero.” #momwins #diningout

14. “My kid’s favorite restaurant game is ‘find the ketchup’. He’s pretty good at it.” #ketchupdetective #diningout

15. “My kids are convinced that the ‘kids’ menu’ is just a giant joke. They’re always asking for ‘adult’ food.” #foodie #diningout

16. “My kids think it’s hilarious to make me repeat their food order 10 times. They’re basically little comedians.” #funnykids #diningout

17. “I’m pretty sure the only reason my kids ever behave in public is because they’re afraid of the ‘no dessert’ punishment.” #bribery #diningout

18. “Just witnessed a kid scream at the top of his lungs because he didn’t get the ‘rainbow’ pasta. I’m starting to think I’m raising a future politician.” #rainbowpasta #diningout

19. “My kids have a special talent for spilling their drinks and then looking at me like it’s my fault.” #parentingisfun #diningout

20. “I’m not sure what’s more exhausting, parenting or trying to eat a meal in peace at a restaurant.” #exhaustedparent #diningout

21. “My kids are convinced that the ‘play area’ at restaurants is actually a training ground for future ninjas.” #ninjatraining #diningout

22. “Just watched a kid try to climb on a table at a fancy restaurant. I’m pretty sure he’s been watching too much ‘Jungle Book’.” #junglebook #diningout

23. “My kid just asked if we could order ‘pizza’ for dessert. I think he’s onto something.” #pizzafordessert #diningout

24. “I’m starting to think that ‘family style’ dining is actually a form of torture.” #familystyle #diningout

25. “My kid just tried to bribe me with his goldfish cracker to let him play on his phone at the restaurant. He’s a negotiator.” #bribery #diningout

26. “I’m pretty sure the only reason I go to restaurants with my kids is so I can get a free bottle of wine.” #winetherapy #diningout

27. “My kid’s favorite restaurant game is ‘who can make the loudest noise with their silverware’.” #musicalchairs #diningout

28. “I’m convinced that my kids are secretly trained agents sent to drive me insane.” #spykids #diningout

29. “My kid just asked me if we could get a ‘puppy’ for dessert. I think he’s ready for a pet.” #puppyfordessert #diningout

30. “I’m pretty sure the only reason I’m still alive is because I have a bottomless supply of patience.” #patienceisavirtue #diningout

31. “My kid just threw his mashed potatoes at the waiter. I think he’s trying to start a food fight.” #foodfight #diningout

32. “I’m starting to think that ‘family time’ is just a fancy word for ‘controlled chaos’.” #familytime #chaos

33. “My kid just asked me if we could go to a ‘restaurant’ where we can ‘play’ and ‘eat’ at the same time. I think he’s onto something.” #playanddine #diningout

34. “I’m pretty sure my kids are convinced that restaurants are giant playgrounds.” #playground #diningout

35. “Just watched my kid try to eat a napkin. I’m starting to think he’s a little bit of a savage.” #napkinlover #diningout

36. “I’m pretty sure the only reason I’m still sane is because I have a sense of humor. And maybe some wine.” #laughteristhebestmedicine #diningout.